How to Win Friends and Influence People

by Dale Carnegie

The book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie, gives incredible guidance in interpersonal relationships and communication with emphasis on empathy and understanding. Carnegie displays the importance of genuinely listening to others, acknowledging their perspectives, and showing appreciation, thus fostering deeper connections and mutual respect. Moreover, the book offers practical strategies for effective communication, such as the power of a sincere compliment and the art of persuasion through empathy. Even though it is a beautiful book it does make it seem as your sort of "manipulating" a person for the benefit of one's sake than fostering genuine connections. But other than that it goes on to promote personal growth by encouraging readers to focus on self-improvement rather than criticism of others. It advocates for humility and the willingness to admit mistakes, fostering an environment of trust and openness.

Aloyce Hagila

Rating: 5 Recommend



How to Win Friend’s and Influence People is an “action book”, of Dale Carnegie’s compilation of research on what constitutes the ability to deal with people. Written in style that creates a scene almost as though he were speaking directly to each individual in his audience, the book has a more personal element that elicits the feeling of receiving advice from a mentor. The book provides examples of the principles put into practice and scenarios in which people did not use these principles resulting in negative outcomes. Carnegie provides solutions and improvements to the different scenarios, making it relatable and giving practical skills to use in the journey to improving interactions with people. This book is rich in lessons; a fundamental guide to relationships, especially professional ones. I will highlight a few of the lessons that impacted me the most. An inherent characteristic of human beings is selfishness (not necessarily the negative aspects) and the need to guard their self-interest; in the knowledge of this and how to exploit lies power. Understanding other people’s points of view in order to show them what they can gain from the relationship means you gain influence by appealing to their desires and to some extent hold some power to dictate their choices. One of my favourite quotes form the book is, “A person’s name to them is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” It is often seen as a compliment that one was interested enough to care and more so remember a person’s name which creates a comfortable environment to begin discussing their interests and makes them feel important. The main message of this book is empathy; to build a rapport, to maintain a mutually beneficial relationship and then to gain an advantage. While all this may seem self-centred, he emphasized being genuinely interested in others and complimenting others on their improvements and achievements. He teaches how to deal with people so that you can obtain a position of respect and how to then be a compassionate and understanding leader. Carnegie explains that the best way to make the most of this book is through repetitive reading (of each chapter and the whole book) and applying each of the principles, recording the progress made after each week. I think the book is very useful for people wanting to build likeable personalities to increase their influence as leaders. While it has the potential to produce ‘people-pleasers’, it is more likely to produce empathetic and compassionate leaders.


Ella Obonyo 

Rating: 4 Interesting



“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.” What is it about them that makes them so attractive? In schools, workplaces and all other public forums, everybody strives to be him/her: the personable, attractive, approachable  teacher, schoolmate or colleague that everyone looks towards. They are leaders, yet they are still friends, and interaction with them is always delightful and stress- free.  Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People  is a self-help book that illustrates the mannerisms of such a person, and gives advice on how to  attract and influence others positively. Carnegie’s book explores mainly the idea that people are egoistic — in order to become close to them, you must play into their selfishness:  complement them,  make them feel important, and emphasise common interests and opinions. You must  make them feel like they came up with  the great idea, and let  them speak for the majority of the time. These ‘tricks’  are coupled with anecdotes and illustrations that are fairly dated, but still interesting to read and powerful in bringing the lesson home to the reader. One example chronicles American president Abraham Lincoln’s method of dealing with disappointing and/or underperforming employees or partners: he  would sit down and pen a scalding letter, and then fold it up and put it in his desk. Through Lincoln’s story, Carnegie then gives us the lesson: when dealing with anyone, it is imperative to exercise empathy and pour out all of your grievances before approaching them. Yet out of  these arguments also stems the sentiment that Carnegie’s book is rather useless for creating lasting intra-personal relationships. Because of its business-steel like approach to interacting with people, it is unlikely that  his advice can be used to build deep and lasting relationships. Some have even argued that it might work against you, and portray the user of these tips as a manipulator who only has their own interests in mind. I don’t quite agree with this. While it is  true that Carnegie’s  tips may not make lasting, intimate relationships, they are not quite about manipulation. Carnegie’s book  focuses  entirely on the other person and trying to create bridges of commonality between the two parties. I have tried a few of the tips in this book myself, and have found them extremely useful in situations where I have just met, or in places where I am asked to spontaneously take charge of a large group of people. From the leadership perspective, this book is extremely useful —  being a strong leader is not always about being intimate with everybody, but about strategically placing yourself to be the one that everyone looks towards for advice, and is willing to follow. If that is your goal as well, then this book offers  strong advice on how to achieve this.  People are not cynical, selfish creatures. Everybody is deeply interested in themselves because they worry about how to relate to others, and How to Win Friends and Influence People is a book that teaches how to relate to others.  It might be that the book  is not right for fostering close relationships, but it does contain valuable advice for  interaction in the public world, especially  those that require some form of leadership.

Awuor Onguru 

Rating: 4 Interesting



This is a must read for any scholars, parents or anyone in general who would like to refine their leadership skills, better their relationships or even just become more of an likeable person overall. The book is simple to understand, yet holds a cornucopia of both informative and entertaining suggestions and guidelines that can definitely help you navigate through your social life. An example would be to refrain from criticizing and complaining, and instead offer reward for positive behaviour then suggest improvements to their negative traits as people are more likely to retain knowledge if it feels positive. To quote Dale “when dealing with people we must remember we are dealing with creatures of logic, we are dealing with creatures of emotion.” That in mind, one must remember to appeal to positive emotions to avoid resentment. It takes character and emotional maturity to understand another person’s point of view. A principle that I personally see as important to us as future leaders is to avoid arguments. As a leader there will be moments when you disagree with your teammates, be it you find fault in their method, ot they find flaws in yours. A key thing to remember is that argument is never the answer as in the big picture no one wins; yes, perhaps you may be more factually accurate or have the high ground in the situation but by proving so through an argument you are simple causing frustration to the other person and damaging their pride. You would seem to be forcing them to realize you are superior. Instead, hold your temper and listen, look for area of agreement and or common ground. Also remember to welcome disagreement. Allow yourself to be open minded and for your ideas to be challenged. The book covers large important lessons and social cues, but also looks at the little details of social interaction which is what makes it as good as it is, because subconsciously we all appreciate the little things, such as being referred to by our names as often as possible, and having someone ask questions and seem genuinely interested in you and your ideas. This book has definitely helped me see, through a whole new light and has helped me better handle my social interactions.

Nyawira Mburia

Rating: 5 Recommend




I have a secret. A secret that could help you make more friends and more meaningful connections than you’ve ever had. Well, what if I told you that my little secret is one that is 83 years old? Well, maybe you would argue that my secret is outdated and may not work for this new generation. This is the best time to apply it. It’s a timeless treasure. A book I so treasure and one that I will read and re-read, and maybe even lose sleep over. This is a book that I not only enjoyed, but also applied in my day to day life and I’ll tell you all about it! The book revolves around four key parts, each with approximately 50-page chapters in between. The key parts are as follows: The Fundamental Techniques in Handling People, The Six Ways to Make People Like You, How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking and lastly, Be a Leader: How To Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. Although this book had several chapters and fundamental lessons, I will let you in on the ones that I have come to apply and appreciate the most. First and foremost, Be Genuinely Interested in Others! Many at times when we meet someone, we don’t take keen interest in knowing them fully. Instead, we like to talk about ourselves and share all about what makes us so special and all ourselves. But don’t you think the other person feels the same or would want to be heard too. That is why, when we meet someone for the first time or even when we talk to our friends, if we want to build deep connections we must first start by discovering what their interests are and take keen note of the things that fascinate them before going on to talk about your own. When you give someone the opportunity to share their interest and expertise on a subject they enjoy, they will associate their joy with your presence. Think of the last time someone praised you for your work. How did that feel? Did it make you feel special and feel appreciated and loved? Well, why don’t we try to do it to others more often. Let us try to praise our friends for even the little things and contributions they make in our lives. It not only makes them feel loved but also helps them get better at their work and when they think about you, appreciate you even more. To build your praise and appreciation muscle, make praise and appreciation a daily habit. Lastly, smile! Smiling is the simplest way to make a great first impression and instantly makes others around you feel warm and comfortable. The Chinese have a proverb that says: A man without a smiling face must not open a shop. Your smile is a messenger of good will and brightens the lives of all who see it! So, smile often!

Ryan Nduma

Rating: 5 Recommend



How To Win Friends And Influence People had been a game-changer book in my school life. As the title suggests, the book mostly focuses on teaching people how to be, what we commonly know as, a ‘people person’. This book has taught me that criticism is futile, because most people will get defensive and will not see the point you are trying to put across, Dale Carnegie states that, “Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain, but it takes character and self control to be forgiving”. I learnt that appreciating people, for the little that they do, has a lot of power in itself, because the ‘individual who satisfies people’s heart’s hunger, holds them in the palm of their hand’. In my school life, especially as a leader, I needed to learn how to influence people for the good. Changing my way of approaching different situations without having to raise my voice or criticise people has brought greater results. In life, people have different opinions that they would love to share and most often that not, it would conflict with others. People ought to learn how to listen and respond effectively to the other person because by making others feel important and validated, will make them listen to you, since no one wants to feel like they are being disregarded in any way. However, some people might learn how to lure in others, for bad intentions. Dale Carnegie mentions how in this world, flattery has become the norm. Everyone wants to be praised and be told good things about themselves, hence, they end up listening to insincere, cynical and rather deceptive statements, purely for one’s benefits. Keep an open eye, because one who influences others can easily fall into the same trap just like anyone else.

Risper Okello

Rating: 5 Recommend